Swanbucks
My friend Gordon Gecko* (after questioning my ability to use technology i.e. to have the nerve to text him when he's online) says I shouldn't go to Starbucks.
His argument is nothing but rational..... he says Starbucks makes tiny Russian babies beat swans to death with huge clubs whilst their parents hold guns to their heads, then they grind up the swans and put them in the coffee. AND the babies have to pay Starbucks not to be shot by their own parents. AND they have no money, so they have to pay with skin grafts, which Starbucks then uses to make their paper cups...
And, yes, I am smoking in the mornings. But only because nicotine and caffiene is a *far healthier* mix than nicotine and alcohol. And I don't usually drink before 10am - though there are a number of exceptions to that rule. One involving a Frenchman and a bottle of port, another involving a French girl and a bottle of gin (not as dodgy as it may sound), one involving a trip to New York and a bottle of Bicardi and the last being a mistake on my part (easily done).
* He's more of a Charlie Sheen than a Michael Douglas, though with more facial hair. So more like Charlie Sheen sporting a false beard.
** There's a bottle of dodgy holiday booze in our office and I've come close to opening it a few mornings - but don't want the finger pointed at me - may have to drink some one day and top it up with water, just like when I was a kid raiding my parents' drinks cabinet (before we moved to a pub which resolved the access problem).
His argument is nothing but rational..... he says Starbucks makes tiny Russian babies beat swans to death with huge clubs whilst their parents hold guns to their heads, then they grind up the swans and put them in the coffee. AND the babies have to pay Starbucks not to be shot by their own parents. AND they have no money, so they have to pay with skin grafts, which Starbucks then uses to make their paper cups...
And, yes, I am smoking in the mornings. But only because nicotine and caffiene is a *far healthier* mix than nicotine and alcohol. And I don't usually drink before 10am - though there are a number of exceptions to that rule. One involving a Frenchman and a bottle of port, another involving a French girl and a bottle of gin (not as dodgy as it may sound), one involving a trip to New York and a bottle of Bicardi and the last being a mistake on my part (easily done).
* He's more of a Charlie Sheen than a Michael Douglas, though with more facial hair. So more like Charlie Sheen sporting a false beard.
** There's a bottle of dodgy holiday booze in our office and I've come close to opening it a few mornings - but don't want the finger pointed at me - may have to drink some one day and top it up with water, just like when I was a kid raiding my parents' drinks cabinet (before we moved to a pub which resolved the access problem).
posted by Tabby Rabbit at 3:45 AM
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